This plugin's got its JNCO pockets full of all tools you'll need to make the…
Do you remember the good-old days of AOL Hometown, Yahoo Geocities, and Angelfire by whoever the heck made Angelfire?
Do you think back fondly on hours spent finding the coolest combination of fore- and background colors for your instant messenger profile?
Do you ever wonder why no one talks about how Slack actually is a more advanced version of CompuServe chatrooms?
If you answered with a resounding ~-~-~- YES -~-~-~ to any of these questions you may just need to install One Thousand Nine Hundred and Ninety-Nineify for your next WordPress site so that you can experience all the parts of the greatest era on the internet presented in modern, semantic, HTML5, Javascript, and CSS3.
Welcome back all those glorious scrolling marquees, animated cursor tails, rotating menu items, and so much more.
FAQ
Installation Instructions
Minimum System Requirements
- A solid understanding that this is a real plugin
- PHP 7.2 is life but it’ll probably work on 5.6 (or even 5.3 if you’re really into living in the past).
- MariaDB. Who knows what MySQL even is anymore, am I right?
- WordPress 4.9.5 or later because I’m seriously not going to boot up an old version or look through the codex for minimum support here.
Installation Instructions
- Post your email address to the support forums here with the topic “Installation Assistance”
- Wait 3 – 48 weeks and you’ll receive an email with the subject line “[One Thousand Nine Hundred and Ninety-Nineify] Teh Next Steps”
- In this email you’ll find a link to a Google Map
- Sometime in the next 2 – 6 weeks travel to this location. Plan to arrive between 9am – 5pm.
- When you arrive there will be a dog in the front yard running back and forth and barking like crazy. Don’t worry she’s actually pretty nice when you get to know her (but you won’t get to know her).
- Don’t leave. After a few minutes a man will hear the dog and come outside squinting. He’ll be wearing sweat pants or basketball shorts and he may be wearing a shirt. He’ll say “BOOTY! That’s ENOUGH!”
- The dog will look at him and then look at you and then bark a bit more before she turns away and enters the house.
- The man will say “Sorry about her. Can I help you?”
- You should reply “I would like to install One Thousand Nine Hundred and Ninety-Nineify on my WordPress website”
- He’ll nod and ask you to wait a minute. Stay on the sidewalk. You can lean against the fence if you want. Do not enter the yard.
- After a few minutes he’ll return and hand you a USB stick.
- You should thank him but you don’t have to.
- Return to your computer.
- Plug the USB stick into a USB drive.
- Open the ‘README.txt’ file
- Follow the instructions contained therein to continue the installation process
How will One Thousand Nine Hundred and Ninety-Nineify make my website the coolest website on the web?
One Thousand Nine Hundred and Ninety-Nineify has several tools you will utilize to make your website the coolest website on the web:
- Mouse Trails: Never let a visitor lose track of their cursor again!
- Scrolling Marquees: A shortcode to let you highlight content
[marquee]PLEASE WATCH ME SCROLL ACROSS THE SCREEN BEACUSE I'M IMPORTANT[/marquee]
- A widget to help highlight your email address
- A widget to track and share site visitors
- An option to replace all “S” characters on posts and pages with the sickest “S” there is (the “Cool S”)
NOTE: All or some of these tools may not exist or function.
ChangeLog
v0.0.3 – 2018-05-23
- Added stat counter widget!
- Added customizer controls for contact widget size & color
- Chaged default color of mouse trails feature
v0.0.2 – 2018-05-22
- Added spinning @ symbol widget
v0.0.1 – 2018-05-18
Like a true 90s kid I’m submitting this only moments before the submission deadline. Long live procrastination
- Initial release
- Marquee shortcode
- Mouse trail customizer options
